Things I Will Do When I'm Not So Fat

I first called this entry Things I Would Do if I Wasn't so Fat, but I decided to change it to something better.

So...

Being fat sucks.  It keeps me from doing all kinds of things, either because of self-consciousness or just because I can't physically do it.  Why on earth would someone put themselves in a position of not being able to do stuff???  It's dumb.  So I'm going to work hard so I can do stuff.  Stuff that non-fat folks can do all the time with no problem.  Here are some of the little things I will do when I'm not so fat:

• I will walk into ANY store and buy clothes.  I will no longer be relegated to stores that have a fat-chick section.  The fat-chick section does have TONS of clothes on clearance and do you know why?  BECAUSE THEY'RE UGLY AND NOBODY WANTS TO BUY THEM, that's why.  No, I don't want a pink sweatshirt with a giant kitty on the front, nor do I want a pair of stretch pants with a rise so high the waistband touches my bra, thankyouverymuch.
• I will wrap a regular sized bath towel around the entire circumference of my body with enough slack left over to tuck and hold.
• I will sit in an airplane seat without my seat-mate being subject to my shoulders and thighs (you're welcome.)

And here are some bigger things I will do when I'm not so fat:

• I will spend more time near water:  at the river, at the ocean, at the pool.  I was a total water-baby when I was a kid and I miss it.
• I will do things with my friends and family that involve physical activity.  The first thing I will do when I start getting not-so-fat is to hike Saddlerock with Kenzie.  I will go on bike ride with Kent.  I will go on a jog with Dan and Brad (go easy on me, guys).  I will do diving with Gretchen.  I will play Ultimate with Odie.  I will wind my way through several malls with my Deb (yes, shopping is a physical activity) and have the added advantage of being able to try on the same styles she can wear.
• I will be a better employee.  I will be more energized, more alert, and more confident at work and I will be less susceptible to the stresses therein.
• I will be a better mom.  (No explanation required.)

Most importantly, I will be a better servant to God and to my neighbors.  My fatness truly limits my ability to serve.  I will have the energy to spend more time doing the love-one-another thing.  I will load furniture for the furniture ministry, I will lug boxes of food around,  I will help with clean-up and landscaping projects and all those other loving things that my expansive girth keeps me from fully engaging, and fully enjoying.

I'm sure there's lots more things I'll do when I'm not so fat.  But I've been fat for so long, I don't know what all those things are.  I'll keep you posted!

Shel~

The first day of....

...the rest of my life?  A journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step?  I hate cliches.  How about "Today I worked out at Gold's for the first time, so that means I've actually STARTED doing something about my fatness."  That's better. 

Kenz and Deb joined me at the gym.  I REALLY loved having them there with me.  For reals.  Not sure if they even realize how much their support means to me.  I didn't even feel self-conscious as I watched the gym rats swagger from one area to another with their bulging muscles.  I just carried my own bulges from one machine to the next, testing the weight levels I'd need and testing the effect on my back.  Per Travis' instructions, I used light weight with 15-20 reps or until I felt a bit of a burn, then rest...then 15-20 more reps.  I didn't even look at the two forbidden machines (thus, no ass-kicking from Travis) and, as of this writing, I have no back pain. 

One thing that really surprised me was how weak my left leg still is.  After my 2nd back surgery,  walked with a limp for several months and wasn't able to lift myself up on to my toes on my left side.  It was SO WEIRD.  I was using the dreaded 'butt blaster' machine, which requires you to push a weighted slide back with one leg and then the other; the intent being to work the ol' badonkadonk.  When I moved from my left leg to my right, I had to increase the weight to get more resistance.  I have a feeling I'll discover all sorts of interesting  things about my body as I work out more.

We were at the gym for an hour & 15 minutes.  (Travis said only 30 minutes at time at first.  Sorry, man.)  I didn't kill myself, but I didn't lame out, either.   I was ready to jam and Kenz said "5 more minutes!".  When your kid wants to do something good for a little while longer, the right mom thing to do is be supportive, right? And '5 more minutes' on a regular basis means I'm one step closer to having thighs that don't rub together.  I'll be able to wear corduroy pants without having the fire department on standby!

Next Friday is my official weigh-in and photo for the challenge.  Oy vey.  I have actually purchased a sports bra for the occasion.  (Please spare yourself from that visual.)  I'm hoping for the worst 'before' picture in the history of the challenge.  I thought about throwing the horns, but since that's more of a celebratory move, I'll save that for the 'after.'

Challenge...schmallenge

I've decided to enter the Gold's Gym Challnge this year.  I signed up and dropped some serious cash on a membership so I better be committed!  Met with a trainer today to go over some goals and learn the ropes.  He was really cool and friendly and didn't look at me like I had no business being there.  We laughed a lot, mostly from me joking about my fatness (because that's what we fat people do).  He forbade me from touching two of the machines ("if I see you on this machine I will hunt you down and kick your tail.") because of my bad back.  He also told me that he appreciated my honesty about my current physical state (as if it wasn't obvious!) and he thinks I can lose 50 pounds during the challenge.  That was my original goal, but I told him 40 because I didn't want to sound delusional.  Then he said 50.  And I thought "there you go, Shelley, underestimating yourself again!"  Good Lord, I am CAPABLE!!!!!  Sheesh!!!

I'm gonna start my official working out on Monday and I'm gonna sign up Kenz to join me at Gold's.  I think we'll  have tons (pun intended) of fun together and she's a great motivator! 

Anyhoo, I'm scared.  Scared of failure and REALLY scared of hurting my back again.  But even scarier is the thought of leaving this earth far too early because I didn't put down the damn fork and spent too much time on the couch.  That would be lame.  And you would miss me.