Boy...am I pissed and the lies of the fat people

I just heard a commercial on the radio for some new diet thing that guarantees you'll lose a pound of fat a day of you just spray this stuff into your mouth three times a day.  And it really pissed me off.

I'm totally not an expert in nutrition but I can speak as someone who has been overweight my whole life and tried almost every diet scam known to man:  None of that shit works....NONE OF IT!  Some of the sprays and pills come with a specific diet plan to follow that use severe calorie restriction.  Guess what?  If you only eat 500 calories per day you will lose weight without an expensive pill or spray.  For reals.  And you know what else?  You'll last for a couple of days on that 500 calories then you'll be so freaking weak and hungry that you'll give up and head for Baskin Robbins.  My personal favorite among the current bunch is the "FullBar".  A nice, handsome man who claims to be a doctor says that if we fatties eat a FullBar before each meal, we will fill up faster and won't eat so much during meals.  Um, hello Mr. Handsome Doctor!!!  If feeling full was enough to make us stop eating, we wouldn't be fat in the first place!!!!  Think about it...if any of these "miracles" really worked, they wouldn't keep coming out with new ones because we'd all be thin from using the one that worked!!!  Get it?  I think every fat person who buys this stuff knows, subconsciously, that it's not going to work.  But we keep hoping.

So why does all this piss me off so bad?  Because the companies that market this crap are taking advantage of people who are down and they know it.  They know we fatties are waiting for that miracle pill or powder or whatever it is to make us not so fat and we're willing to pay cash for it.    I picture a bunch of well-heeled folks sitting around a table coming up with the right marketing technique to get the fatties to buy their crap.  "Hey!!  How about we say something like 'This stuff is so strong only people who are REALLY fat should use it?"  Remember that one?  Hilarious!  Even the "respected" supplement retailers are actively pushing this shit and we're buying it and when the FDA comes out and says "That shit doesn't work!" they still sell it and we still buy it.  Oh,  yeah, the marketers add disclaimers like "results not typical" in teensy letters at the bottom of the screen to avoid litigation but they still hope we'll buy the product.  And we do.  And it's sad.

It's not just the pill and potions that piss me off, it's some of the diet plans themselves.  Listen up, friends:  ANY diet plan that requires you to completely cut out a specific food type, or eat only one or two things does not a healthy person make!  You might drop some serious weight very quickly but it's not sustainable and it's NOT HEALTHY! A calorie is a calorie is a calorie whether it comes from fat or carbs or protein.  Now, the effect that calorie has on the body as a whole is different depending from whence it came, but if you eat 1000 calories of protein every day, or 1000 calories of fat, you're still getting 1000 calories.  If that 1000 calories is made up of all different kinds of healthy, whole foods, you'll lose weight AND you'll get the nutrition your body needs.

Of course, we must also move our bodies.  Sucks, I know.  But you gotta do it.  Our bodies were made to move. The human body is the only contraption known to man in which performance improves the more you use it.  I have discovered that on the days when I'm feeling physically crappy, I feel better if I exercise than if I just blobbed on the couch.

I remember years ago on a talk show there were these women who were very obese and they went on the show to proclaim that they were healthy and happy and they loved themselves just the way they are and blah blah blah.  My favorite part was that all of them insisted that they don't eat any more than their thin friends do.  Bullshit. 

First, there's nothing healthy about being obese.  NOTHING.  The fact that I can accomplish everything I need to do to make it through the day (even though some major effort is required) does not mean I'm healthy.  Obese people are at a massively higher risk for every disease known to man and that's a fact!

Second, we fatties usually pretend to be happy.  I did.  We use humor to cover our misery and pretend that life is a bowl of cherries when, in reality, just tying our shoes is a nightmare.  We're not happy being fat and for 99.9% of us, we've NEVER been truly happy.  Happy, well-adjusted, self-loving people do not eat themselves into oblivion and they certainly wouldn't celebrate being fat.  I lost a friend of mine last week.  He was a very jovial, funny, friendly dude.  He was also super obese and died of a heart attack at age 49.  I'm pretty sure he wasn't as "happy" as he wanted all of us to believe.  Let's just face reality and stop denying the fact that we WILL leave this planet entirely too early if we continue on this path.

Finally, I'm really tired of hearing all the excuses people have for being fat and claiming they don't overeat and it's genetics and blah blah blah.  (I totally include myself in this category, btw, so I'm sick of myself, too!)  Scientists have found that there is a genetic link to obesity, but I think its more about lifestyle and nurture instead of nature.  You can be genetically predisposed to alcoholism, but if you never take a drink, you'll never become an alcoholic.  You can be genetically predisposed to obesity, but if you don't overeat and you exercise regularly, you won't become obese.  Me, I'm the ONLY person in my family who has ever had a lifelong weight problem, so I don't have the luxury of the genetic excuse.  I just ate too much and didn't move around enough.

It's hard work to go from being a fattie to being a not fattie.  HARD WORK.  But it doesn't take very long to develop the habits of healthy eating and regular exercise to the point that it's just the way you live your life.  After that, it's really not that hard because, well, it's just what you do!  I "turned the corner" after about 8 weeks into the Challenge and realized that health and fitness was no longer a challenge, it was my life.  The word "challenge" indicates something that's temporary and will eventually be 100% conquered then you can stop.  Not so with fitness.  Every day, whether you are fat or fit, you must wake up tell yourself that the choices you will make that day will all be conducive to good health. 

I hope I haven't offended anyone or burst any bubbles.  The fact is that if you exercise regularly and eat a healthy diet of appropriate portion sizes, you will lose weight without spending hundreds of dollars on pills and potions.  And you'll be happier.  I know I am!

How to be an imperfect mom

I have failed miserably at being a perfect mom.  Shocking, I know.  With all the pressure women put on themselves to BE perfect, I can admit that...well, I never felt that pressure.  As a sort of confessional, I shall now list a few things that put me in the running for the Not Perfect Mom Award of 1995-2011:

• Yelled
• Over-reacted
• Not always been nice (sometimes mean)
• Occasionally gave her cereal for dinner instead of a home-cooked meal
• Let her out of the house with a dirty face and ignored the snot rockets knowing that as soon as I wiped it another one would be right behind it so it was an exercise in futility
• Took her to daycare (0H THE HORROR!!!!)
• Never had a "play date" (wtf is that, really??)
• Introduced her to heavy metal at a young age
• Taken her to rock concerts (starting at age 4) and taught her to "throw the horns"
• She didn't play soccer (the first year she was old enough, the practices were scheduled right after school.  I guess perfect moms don't have day jobs.)
• Taught her that "vagina" is a fun word to say and can make for some seriously good laughs
• Explained that, in hockey, sometimes raising a middle finger to the ref is the best way to show your disapproval.
• Let her color her hair pink at age 11
• Didn't care if she walked out of the house looking like punky brewster, as long as she was covered.
• Taught consequences with punishment instead of a nice, long talk

And the list could go on and on because, really, I eff up in one way or another every day.

(I'll pause to give you perfect moms a chance to catch your breath or call DSHS or whatever you need to do.)

(Ready?  OK!)

So somehow, in spite of all my errors, Kenzie is turning into an awesome human.  She's a bright, funny, sensitive individual who doesn't really give a rat's behind about fitting in, being liked, looking a certain way or any of those other teenage things.  She has a HUGE heart, so much so that when she sees a wrong being done even if it's thousands of miles away, she's completely affected by it.  She knows what she wants to do with her life and she's taking the steps to get there.  She's seen more loss in her young life than many people see in their whole lives and she's still hanging in there.

So this begs the question:  How in the hell did the mom who did all those things in that list manage to end up with a kid like her?

Oh, that's easy.  Jesus.  See, while I was yelling at her and teaching her to throw the horns and letting snot run down her face, He was teaching her to tolerate me and love me in spite of my imperfect ways.  Really, she has taught me more than I could ever teach her.  She belongs to God, and I've been given the huge responsibility of taking care of her FOR Him.  And, I occasionally fail miserably as indicated by the list above.  And even when I forget about the whole grace thing, she never has. 

So, I really can't take any credit for her being such an awesome human.  But the "vagina" thing...well, that was all me.