Let's Get Small-er (and pants, part deux)

(First, I have to take care of a little business....*AHEM*)

I LOVE CANADA!

(We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.)

I wore my favorite pants on Friday even though they're WAY too big now.  I kinda felt smaller in them.  I have to wear a belt or they'll just fall off.  No need to open the fly to get them off.  Just unbuckle the belt and they slide right down, making a whooshing sound.   They're so big that my friend, Brian, pointed out that they were falling down and I looked like I had a load in my pants.  I told him to stop looking at my ass.  Today, I'm wearing small-er pants.  I say small-er instead of small because, well, there's nothing small about my pants.  I'm also wearing a newer shirt that fits, instead of a baggy one.  And I feel smaller. 

I feel more comfortable in my skin today.  I feel more comfortable in general today.  I noticed said additional comfort while I was driving.  How can sitting in a seat and turning a steering wheel be uncomfortable?  When you're fat, everything is uncomfortable.  Everything is more difficult.  Everything you do requires more effort to get it done.  But things are getting way easier already.  Even though I haven't dumped tons of weight there are lots of little things that are already different.  Things like:

• Not only can I bend over and touch my toes, I can put my fingers under my toes and lift up my feet.
• When I put my purse on my shoulder, it stays there.
• Tying my shoes is way easier.
• When I'm on the eliptical or the treadmill at the gym, I can see BOTH of my shoulders in my reflection on the little tv monitor.
• I can do my grocery shopping or bop through the mall without getting tired after 15 minutes.
• (Just noticed this one) My torso doesn't touch the arm rests on my chair.

These are little things.  But to me, they're kinda big.  When you're fat, even the smallest chore can seem gargantuan.  Activities that people take for granted, like getting in and out of the car, can be really difficult.   When you're fat, just BEING is hard. 

In light of my recent disgust with my scale which is completely opposed to the way I FEEL, I decided I'm not going to weigh myself until I weigh in on the 31st.  Oh, I'm making progess, for sure.  But I don't think I'll be The Biggest Loser.  And I'm perfectly ok with that.  All the little things are adding up to bigger things.  I'm eating WAY better and WAY less, I exercise regularly for the first time in my life, and I go to bed every night knowing that I did something good for myself.

I've been awesome at self-destruction my whole life.  I never felt like I deserved anything good.  I'm afraid that if I just focus on completing a 12-week challenge that week 13 will begin with a bacon cheeseburger and a pile o' fries followed by a marathon session on the couch.  If I do that, I'm pretty sure that would be the meanest thing I've ever done to myself.  But I am fearfully and wonderfully made by the God of the Universe, and I know he's got big plans for me.  It will be way hard to carry out those plans from the couch.