Next steps and boy, am I crabby!

My official challenge weight loss was only 26 pounds.  If I use MY scale and count the 4 I lost before my official weigh-in, it's 32 total.  Not thrilled with my results but I guess it's better than nothing, eh?  I do know that there's no way I could have spent 4 hours walking around San Francisco if I hadn't been working out.  That would have been a nighmare instead of a blast!  And I wouldn't fit into the shirt I bought at Costco today.  Even saying "I totally bought a shirt at Costco" wouldn't have been possible because, well, Costco carries everything in gigantic sizes except their clothes.  So the only thing I could have bought there three months ago was a men's XL tshirt...or maybe a robe.  And socks and underwear.  But that's it.

In order to keep this fitness thing going, I needed to set another goal for myself.  I want to lose another 25 pounds by June 23rd which is my 25th high school reunion.  Not that I give a rats patoot what my classmates think about the way I look.  I'm way too punk rock for that and, besides, I was fat in high school so it's not like they're going to say "Holy shit!!!  Did you see Shelley?  She's really let herself go!!!"   I just needed to pick a date.  So I picked that one.

Now to the crabbiness.  Kenz and I spent the most incredible weekend in San Jose and San Francisco and it cemented the fact that I was not meant to spend my future empty nest years in a place like Wenatchee.  Before all you lifelong Wenatchee-ites get your panties in a bunch, your town is lovely.  It's just not for me.  There's nothing to do unless you're an outdoorsy type, then I'm sure it's great!  The shows at the PAC and the TTC generally reflect the likes of conservative Wenatchee folks, which they need to do to make money.  A country singer or an 80's hair band will bring in more ticket sales than a current hard rock act.  The TTC isn't going to pack in 3000 locals to see a punk rock show, that's for sure.  And the price they'd charge for it would make it untouchable for most people who like punk rock.  The live music scene here is non-existent.  If we want to see a cool show, a new band, hear from an author about his or her new book (and no, "The Great Hills of Wenatchee" by I.M. Local doesn't count) we have to drive a long way.  And that's sad.  And it makes me crabby.

In the city, there are hundreds of entertainment options every week, and many of them are free or very cheap.  From gigantic flea markets where you can spend the whole day and not see everything to a club with a $5 cover charge that showcases local talent, you just have to pick up the local rag and see what's up.  You can take public transportation to get anywhere in the city for a small price, while here we have to drive 2.5 hours to find decent shopping.  Yes, the city does have disadvantages, too, but I'd rather deal with a few teeny obstacles to get some culture in my life than look at the same shit all day, every day.  That also makes me crabby.

I think my favorite part about being in the city is the people.  All the different people.  They look different, they talk different, they have different ideas about life and the only way we can truly appreciate our differences is to be around people who are...different.  Here in Wenatchee, we don't want people to look too much different than we do.  And if they are different, we want them to keep to themselves and not try to infiltrate our way of life.  We pretend we are open-minded, loving, Christian people but we really aren't.  We know Jesus said to love everyone as God loves us, but we don't.  We pretend we do, but we don't.  We say things like "I'm not racist but..." then proceed to make a total blanket, stereotypical comment about people who are different.  We claim the fact that we've known one gay person (well, one that we knew for sure) in our lives and we weren't mean to him means we can't possibly be homophobic, but we tell jokes that confirm the opposite is true.  We say "everyone can come to the cross!" but what we really mean is "everyone can come to the cross but I'd rather they didn't come to my church."

Yes, there is racism and hatred everywhere.  Wenatchee hasn't cornered the market on that, for sure.  But in the city, there's more acceptance.  There's more openness to differences because, well, there's more different kinds of people!  If you count out anyone of color in the city, you'd be hard pressed to staff your business.  In Wenatchee,  you really don't see people of different races who are enmeshed in the community.  You rarely see an African-American person working behind the reception desk at your dental office. Stuff like that. 

I want to experience different things and watch the world grow and change.  In Wenatchee, we want everything to stay the same and change is, well, just not ok.   Unless the change means that certain kinds of people will fit in even less than they do now.  Change like building condos that a teensy portion of our population can afford.  That's a good change.  Building affordable houses (and, no, $200k is not "affordable") that people like me can buy wthout dumping our entire salaries into the roof over our heads...fahgettaboutit.  The good-ol'-boy network is alive and well here, and it appears we're perfectly ok with that.  Not many people will say that out loud, though.  Me, I don't care.

I often think of my friend, Jerry Gordon, when I think about how I want to live my life when my mom years are over.  He's my former high school English teacher who is retired and lives Portland.  He's always posting on his facebook how he went to this play, saw that author, saw this band, etc.  He's living an active, culture-filled life as a single retired dude.  I want to live like Jerry Gordon.

I know I ended up in Wenatchee for a reason, and I know I've stayed here for a reason.  Sometimes, having too many choices isn't good for me and it's been a great place to learn self-discipline and self-control.  Not many opportunities to get in trouble around here, that's for sure!  Plus, I found a great church and some of the most loving and precious people now call me friend.  I just feel like I can't grow as a person here, because everyone is pretty much the same as me. 

I won't be crabby about this for long because that would be silly.  It's going to be several years before I jump ship so I can't stay crabby the whole time.  Until then, I just have to make the best of it and visit the city when I can.  Just knowing I won't be here forever should help keep the crabby at bay. I hope.

No matter where you go, there you are.  It's totally true.  I'm Shelley in Wenatchee and I'll be Shelley in the City.  But when I'm Shelley in the City, I'll have more to absorb, more to learn about, there are more educational opportunites (formal and informal) and it will make me a more interesting person.  I want to be interesting.  Right now, I feel like I'm suffocating.